My Accutane Journey: Eight Weeks In

Alright….I just took some photos of my face sans makeup today, which was demoralizing as usual. BUT, I’m not going to let that bother me, because I’m in California for a well-deserved break from ~real life~.

I attended Coachella the other week! The entire event was truly amazing. I have never experienced anything like it, and will give you guys an update on that soon.

*Disclaimer* I took these photos a week ago, and I’ve got to say my face looks better since then. This statement was also to make myself feel not so ugly? I really wish I’d been more vigilant in taking a photo each week to personally track my progress. It’s validating and makes me feel like the $$$$$$$$ I am dropping on this medication is worth it? I hope so?

It’s my biggest fear -after moths, of course– that this won’t work and I’ll be in the percentage that just gets acne again once I get off the medication.

At this point in the treatment, my skin is a sponge. Guys, it is a sponge. I caved and bought a face serum. Like some kind of fancy-pants, bourgeois, kale popcorn eating, Stepford wife. Or someone who takes pride in their skincare.

So. My lips need constant moisturizing. While in California, I bought five, five, chapsticks. I kept forgetting to put them in my bag and would inevitably find that my lips needed moisture wicking, salvation bringing life. The last time I forgot my lip balm at home I just went to target and bought a pack of three Carmex tins to end the nonsense once and for all. There is no moment in which Carmex is not on my lips.

By far the worst part is the cracking in the corners of my mouth. If they get too dry, the skin rips apart again, even if it has slightly healed. Its great. Nothing like not being able to eat salad with oil and vinegar dressing to remind you to slather on more Carmex!

I’m not sponsored by Carmex.

I try to keep my face as clean as possible and wash my makeup off as soon as I get home and have nowhere to be. My makeup brushes are cleaned every other day if they touch my face. I drink loads of water. I have gentle facial cleansers and a gentle toner.

I caved and bought micellar water. I use sunscreen! Good god! I am a changed woman.

But the dryness is real, folks. I’ve been trying to stay hydrated and moisturized. Basically I am a low-wattage lightbulb.

As for my progress, since there are no previous photos to pit this against, I can’t give you a good before/after comparison.

But *cringing* here are my photos! I’m facing *hah* a very real fear here, especially since this is connected to my social media…

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my better side….plus my beauty mark/mole thing
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:/

 

 

 

the void in which I reside

 

 

 

 

Honestly I have never put a photo up without makeup on. I’m trying not to scroll back up and look at it and wallow in the hopeless feeling it gives me. It’s easy for me to get bummed out about this situation, but if this is one of my biggest problems, I think I’ll be ok.

Here’s hoping next month will be even better! Cause it does get better, I promise.

 

 

Adventures in Adulthood

I made my first student loan payment today!

Hooray! I am thrilled to have entered the next, new stage in my life, i.e. indentured servitude.

While my soul cried as I finalized my payment, my mind stopped all unnecessary thoughts not directly related to my future finances.

“You have to pay X amount every month? How will you survive?” it said, every syllable drawn out in agonizing, invisible pain. “This crippling debt will leave you devoid of a social life, or worse, gourmet cat food in the future.”

adulthoood
“????????” -me

source: IMDB

I’m irritated every time I think about it. This is no way to start my new exciting life as An Adult. It’s no way to start the holiday season. Loans have such a lack of Christmas spirit that I’m sure they were raised in Grinch colonies devoid of any joy, where the main activity on Friday nights isn’t a trip to the local ice cream shop, but to the local fire pit where they roast their hopes and dreams to a crisp.

It takes a village, after all.

And yet, here I am, click click clicking around to see what loans should be payed when so I don’t pay an extra elbow and kneecap on top of the arm and leg I’m sacrificing for my education.

I’ve thought of a few things I could do with my money* for instead (especially that huge slap-in-the-face estimated interest**):

  1. Burn it in a trash can fire
  2. Place as a training mat for your house training pet
  3. Tissues
  4. Actually give to charities and people on the street when they ask
  5. Test out new paper shredders
  6. Move out of the house sooner

Instead of going on weekend trips or lavishing my little princess Figgy with expensive gravy-based packets of Fancy Feast, I have to wave goodbye to my hard-earned money while it sails away without me. Probably to an exotic location like the Land of Crushed Dreams. You should visit, they have the best collection of lost souls crying in their cars on display.

All negativity aside, it’s sort of fun getting rid of these scary-huge*** statements as soon as I can. And by fun I really mean satisfying like putting a pumice stone to your feet for hours.

*A stupid social construct that is somehow necessary but also totally meaningless. I’d love to tell you about my totally unrealistic goals for the future of global finances sometimes. It involves large amounts of apple orchards and manual labor trade and would obliterate money forever. Contact me here if you want to help spread my version of a hugely dystopian future!

**wtf is this anyways?  Why would I want to give you an EXTRA few thousand dollars? In the words of Louis Van Gaal, “What is this world twisted?”

*** A scarier idea is that I’m not paying that much –relatively—to many of my friends and peers. What is this world twisted, indeed.

Quick garden update

So the garden grew.

The tomato plants have shot up past my shoulders, filled with tiny yellow flower buds and unripe vegetables scattered throughout the greenery.

The cilantro was a huge success. No complaints there.

However, the beets… What a crushing disappointment.

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My problematic faves

They grew, yes, but did they ever really take root? No. Did they ever produce a fruit I could look at with pride and say “we did it. You and me, beets, we did it, and now I shall eat you”? Hardly.

What I pulled out of the ground was no larger than a quarter, if that. Weeks of loving labor were condensed into the smallest, tiniest, most minuscule edible beet. It was SO TINY. LOOK.

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TRAGIC

I know this is because I planted everything late. My timeline was off, the soil was not the greatest, it happens. I’m still very much excited that I grew something from a tiny seed and then ate it. My suggestion is that everyone grow at least something in their lives and consume it. Its better for you, for your living space, for the world. You wont regret it!

Adventures in gardening

Since graduating, I’ve had a tiny large amount of free time on my hands. When I’m not at the beach, reading, applying for work, or shamelessly mooching off the household, I’ve been gardening. Which is way more fun than I thought it would be!

I bought 3 seed packets, and now I’m growing tomatoes, beets and cilantro. I wish I had taken pictures of all the plants when I initially plants them. They were in old plastic take out boxes and were so cute once they sprouted. Now they’re all flourishing, and I’m a proud mama! This truly is post grad life at it’s best.

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Had a visitor while I gardened!
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A cluster of beet plants before being spreadout.

Today I was outside weeding around my cutie little plants because they were being smothered by giant, leafy, weeds and my goal is to see at least a few fruits of my labor. The cilantro grew perfectly, but the tomatoes and beets are a little more high maintenance. I’ve had to rehome the beets a few times after they start to crowd each other, and the tomato plants had to be rearranged to climb up poles, but otherwise they are moving at a great pace. I can’t wait to see little red tomatoes and at least one beet! If even one beet plant successfully produces a beet, I will be prouder than an honor-roll student’s mom.

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Separated beet babies :)

We’ll see what happens. I hope they take root and start become big beets soon :) I highly suggest gardening. It’s been immensely rewarding seeing real results of my hard work. I feel so zen putting around the garden and getting my mind off of bothersome topics, and I love that I learned a new skill that has real, tangible effects in my life.

A walk about Pa…

A walk about Paris will provide lessons in history, beauty, and in the point of Life.
Thomas Jefferson

Though I haven’t posted in a while, I’ll keep this one short.

I have not read a truer or more concise statement about Paris yet. Walking around Paris really does give this sentiment validation. There is history everywhere and of course unrivaled beauty pouring out of every building, metro stop and boulangerie, but the real things one learns from Paris are about life.

Do you agree? Are there any cities that speak to you, that you’ve learned from?

Bucket List Item #24

I was just looking through my existing bucket list from about a year ago, and I saw

Finish an entire season of a completed show

Well, I can tell you that boy oh boy I have done this. And in spades.

Netflix makes this so super easy that I can’t even fathon how to explain it to you. Can’t even.

It Crowd? Boom. 3 days.

Supernatural? Labor of love, dozens of tears and a freakish amount of willpower: less than a year and a half.

Gossip Girl? Too many hours to count.

I have come to the realization that because I never really watched television shows before my freshman year, I routinely binge watch shows. This is bad and I do not encourage it unless it rains for a week straight and you are more invested in watching paint dry than do a thing.

Checking off this bucket list item benefited my life in no way whatsoever. It did however allow me to indulge in watching countless hours of tv, so I guess there’s that.

Hopefully on my next bucket list look through I’ll find something more enriching than finishing a television series.

Hope everyone had a happy New Year! I know I did! :)

A

Winter!

Now that there is a substantial amount of snow on the ground -not a dusting- it’s officially winter! While there are technically five more days, I count the first real snow as the entry into hibernation-quality lifestyle.

Now is the time for baking!

Now is the time for reading!

Tv, cookies, movies, crafting, drinking, eating, playing!

Winter, besides the bone chilling cold on those truly unbearable days, is really one of the most beautiful times during the year.

It’s a perfect time for self-reflection with the year coming to a close and the birth of a new year. Circle of life y’all.

Enjoy the holidays!

A

Quotation Sunday

“Try to list the endless reasons why it’s good to be alive, and then just smile for awhile about them.”

Paul Baribeau

 

Hey Internet peoples!

Please do this! I follow a blogger who posts every so often about good things about her day. It’s a nice reflection exercise that focuses on the positive points of her day, even if there were more negative events. They don’t even have to be that significant. Many times, items in her list are things like “took a walk outside” or “got some coffee with friends”. You don’t have to go big or go home. I think this is an attitude that we all have. Something has to be exceptional to be considered a good thing that happened to you, but I think that the best moments are the small ones.

Sublime moments are what get us through this life. Some days, the best thing that happens to me is I get a chance to sit by the window and read for an hour. I could literally not see another human the entire day and still feel fulfilled because I did something that made me happy.

So, basically what I’m getting at is pay attention to the details. Reflect on the things in your day that made you happy, or even smile. Write them down if you have the chance. The moments will practically write themselves on the paper; it’s that easy. You’ll find that there were a lot of moments that made you feel great, like watching a leaf float down from a branch, or catching the bus on time without needing to run. Maybe you ate a great sandwich or rang your mom on the phone (they love that). Maybe you got an A on a hard assignment or got a promotion! Nothing is too big or too small!

Go nuts everybody! X,

A

 

Quotation Sunday

“The most wasted of all days is one without laughter.”
E. E. Cummings

Never go a day without laughing. Laughing is truly the best medicine for many, many little aches from the day. If you can, laugh it off, shrug it off, have some chocolate. De-stress yourself by watching something funny on YouTube or reading a book you find funny.

Fake it til you make it. If you can’t find a way to laugh -impossible! -force yourself to laugh. You will sound so ridiculous to yourself that you will really laugh. Then you will laugh at yourself for laughing for real, and the circle perpetuates itself until you feel better or someone catches you being crazy.

Worst comes to worst, just talk to yourself in the mirror. This really works in making yourself feel like the goofiest person on the planet. Seriously, there is no one else out there who is as nuts as you (probably) because you are talking to your reflection as if they are a real person. Unless…is that just me? Please say it isn’t.

I digress. JUST LAUGH. Loosen up and let yourself be open to a bit of silliness and giggles. Your heart will feel lighter, and your day brighter.

x,

A

Quotation Sunday

“Time is a wonderful teacher; unfortunately, it kills all its pupils.”

Hector Berlioz

How wonderful! But I’m really not kidding. I saw this and for a few seconds I couldn’t think of anything except that I wanted to share this with friends (not that any friends follow me on WordPress, but hellooooo internet people). The bitter truth in this quotation isn’t hidden by the humor. Instead, that absurd bluntness gives it the real slice of life-pie that it is. Such a cool sentiment, even if it is a bit morbid.